Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
