Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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