your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize