those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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