he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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