she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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