i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
