I hate your face
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
