waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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