Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
