Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
