I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
