I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
