She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
i out mim tonsoeep
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
