its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
