she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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