Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
