There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
