just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
