i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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