i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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