true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
