I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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