are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
