I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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