Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
