just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
