i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
