Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
