Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
