i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
