dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize