Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You don't make any sense
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