The maid of honor just puked.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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