I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
