Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
