I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
