ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize