Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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