70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
