just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
