Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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