today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
