I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
