I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize