i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
