those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
