I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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