please come you make the beer taste better
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize