I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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