my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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