we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
