hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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