; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Randomize