i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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