Farmville is her only friend.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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