TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
