after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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