At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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