My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
