Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
