First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
