Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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