remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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