it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
