its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
