You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You were trust falling into bushes
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
