You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
