called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I am midnight drunk by noon
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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